Monthly Archives: July 2015

Season 2, Episode 03: Our Little Champion

Writer: Judy Spencer
Director: Ross K. Bagwell, Jr.
Original air date: October 27, 1989

16-01-Ernst-asleepIn the cold open, Mr. Ernst is napping in his office, and Ted and Danny walk in on him. After they have a bit of fun, Danny wakes him up. Mr. Ernst bullshits something about meditation. The boys want an advance on their pay. Why? Dates.

16-02-John-WayneMr. Ernst walks over to straighten his John Wayne portrait, which is apparently new (I guess it ties loosely to season 1, episode 04). He philosophizes about business for a while.

16-03-boys-coins16-04-Ernst-pocketsMeanwhile, the boys find Mr. Ernst’s loose change (90 cents) in the couch. Hehe. Ted even thanks him for it.

16-05-Melody-girlAfter the credits, Melody stops a little girl that’s running by the pool. The girl is played by Stacy Linn Ramsower. This is her first of several appearances on “Hey Dude”. She didn’t have much of a career. Four years after “Hey Dude” ended, she was in three movies. She played the young version of Sharon Stone’s character in “The Quick and the Dead”. She was also in “Tank Girl” and “The Baby-Sitters Club”. The following year (1996), she was in a TV movie called “Terminal”. That was her final role.

16-06-check-poolThe guys come by the pool, and Ted has Danny check for loose change. Danny says they should get to the corral, because it’s almost 1:00 PM, but Ted says Danny’s watch is fast, and they’ve got plenty of time. Danny brings up Lucy and the possibility of horse poop detail. Ted says he can handle Lucy. He explains to Melody that he’s looking for some extra money, so he can take a girl that checked in this morning on a “truly memorable date”. Melody asks Danny why he’s helping Ted. Apparently, the girl has a “friend” that Ted says is “cute”. Ted sends Danny to look elsewhere in the pool and tells Melody that this girl won’t go out with him unless he gets a date for her friend, who he hasn’t seen. Melody decides to stay out of it but also brings up that some guy seems to be staring at her.

16-07-Lucy-upsetLucy comes by and gets the guys to go to work. Ted says his watch stopped and blames Danny for not telling him that it’s late. Danny tells Ted that he wants pictures of the girl. Melody again tries to get the little girl to stop running. Lucy wishes Melody luck and leaves. Melody looks and says the guy is staring at her.

16-08-rescueThe little girl falls in the water, so Melody strips down to her swimsuit, dives into the pool, and rescues her. The girl’s mother calls the girl “Stacy”.

16-09-coachThe man comes by and offers Melody a towel. Melody asks about the staring. He’s been watching her swim and says she’s pretty good (apparently, Melody has had a few opportunities to dive in the pool and rescue people). He asks if she’s ever thought about competing.

16-10-Melody-confusedHe introduces himself as Coach Daniels and says he’s trained some of the women on their Olympic team. He tells Melody that she has a lot of potential. Melody agrees to let him time her for speed – in a half-hour.

16-11-coach-timesCoach Daniels is played by Lee Roberts. “Hey Dude” was his only acting gig – unless this other dude named Lee Roberts, who played Mr. Benson in “Zadar! Cow from Hell” in 1989, is the same guy.

16-12-Melody-sinksThere’s an odd bit where Melody, apparently looking around for the coach and not seeing him despite the fact that he just walked off, tiredly sinks into the water.

16-13-Cassie-livesLater on, HOLY SHIT, CASSIE!!!!!!

Yeah, Cassie’s still around and happily panting away. I had noticed Cassie was still being mentioned in the closing credits this season, but I figured it was something that they’d simply forgotten to remove. So, yeah, Cassie lives, but she’s definitely been demoted to guest status.

Where the fuck was I?

Oh, yeah, Buddy tries to show Melody his new card trick (callback to season 1, episode 07). Melody thinks she messed up at the speed timing earlier.

16-14-Coach-Melody-talkWhen Coach Daniels arrives with Mr. Ernst, Melody apologizes, but Coach Daniels tells her that she has natural ability. He’s given Mr. Ernst a training schedule and tells her that there’s a regional swim meet at the university in two weeks. If she trains hard and does well at the meet, he’ll talk with her about her future. He also thanks Mr. Ernst and says he’s enjoyed his stay.

16-15-Coach-Melody-talk-2After Coach Daniels leaves, Mr. Ernst starts talking to Melody about how he’s going to use her non-existent fame to draw tourists to the ranch. We learn Melody’s last name is Hanson. Mr. Ernst sends Buddy to make copies of the training schedule, and he goes off to order a large poster to advertise Melody. Buddy points out to Melody that she’s to get up at 5:00 AM, which doesn’t please her.

16-16-guys-lakeAt the lake, Danny counts the change: $1.48. Ted is upset. Danny suggests they “take the girls to Fun ‘N’ Stuff and treat ’em to a couple rounds of the Whack-o-Willy”. Ted insists they need to make quick cash and take the girls on a “truly memorable” date. Danny brings up a metal detector, but Ted dismisses it after learning the rough cost. Danny’s having second thoughts about the date due to the lack of information on the girl.

16-17-Brad-horseBrad rides over and asks what’s up. I like how she just casually rides over to them at the lake. Ted explains their dilemma. Brad just makes fun of him, and Danny joins in.

16-18-team-meetingTed walks off, but Mr. Ernst intercepts him and tells him to grab a schedule. Time for a team meeting! Basically, Mr. Ernst hypes up that Melody begins training for the Olympic swim team. To paraphrase Coach Daniels from earlier, don’t get ahead of yourself, Mr. Ernst. But, yeah, this is the theme of the episode: Melody might one day be an Olympic champion. Considering all that she does in this episode is train for a regional swim meet, that’s quite a stretch. Anyway, Melody is training in the 100-meter freestyle. Mr. Ernst recruits the others to help Melody train, and then he has Melody get to the pool right fucking now. Oh, and run everywhere for the next two weeks.

Do I even need to summarize the rest of the episode? You can tell how it’s gonna go.

Once everyone else leaves, Ted lets Danny in on his plan to exploit Melody for date money.

16-19-Ted-merchandise So, yeah, while Mr. Ernst trains Melody at the pool, Ted’s got a stand set up, selling t-shirts of Melody and pictures.

16-20-Ernst-coachesI thought Mr. Ernst sold that stupid bullhorn.

16-21-Melody-pictureAnyway, during a “three-minute break” that doesn’t last anywhere near that (Mr. Ernst is really pushy), Ted has Melody (and himself) pose for pictures with guests.

Okay, so there are nine more days until the swim meet. Ted continues to evade Danny’s inquiries about the girl, whose name is Ludmilda.

16-22-Melody-saladMelody has had nothing but salad for six days, and she’s sick of it. Brad tells Melody that she has to watch her weight. Melody asks if it’s so Mr. Ernst can book more rooms or Ted and Danny can make more money. Brad is sick of Melody’s whining and says the guys are cutting her in for 50%. Melody says she has no free time, she’s tired, she’s hungry, and everyone’s getting on her nerves. She doesn’t think she wants to do this anymore. Brad says she’s just nervous and says she used to be as well on the night before a riding competition and couldn’t even sleep. That’s a nice tidbit of info on Brad. Melody doesn’t want to do this anymore and is thinking about telling Mr. Ernst, who walks in at that moment and asks about it, catching Melody off-guard.

16-23-Ernst-MelodyAfter the commercial break, Melody asks if he wants something, and he reveals he’s here to give a scheduled (for 6:30 PM) pep talk. Seriously? Brad excuses herself to look for work. After asking about Melody and giving a very short pep talk, Mr. Ernst asks what Melody wanted to tell him – but then interrupts her with some enthusiasm about her and how he’s training her to be the great athlete that he couldn’t be (nice tidbit of info on Mr. Ernst). Melody doesn’t come clean and instead thanks Mr. Ernst and says she feels guilty over his hard work. Mr. Ernst says she shouldn’t feel that way, and they’re all proud of her. She says she’ll try to not let him down. He tells her to eat her salad and leaves. Brad comes back in, and Melody seems okay. They have a half-hour before bedtime (who actually sleeps for 10 hours?), so the girls look through a magazine to pick out a half-dozen more swimsuits. Do competitive swimmers really need a lot of swimsuits? I’ve read swimsuits should be washed after use to prevent damage from pool chemicals.

16-24-tourThe guys host a tour of Melody’s room, because fuck privacy. Ted even invites the tourists to help themselves to Melody’s stuff, such as stuffed animals and perfume. I have a hard time believing anyone would be interested in touring Melody’s room, much less be okay with taking her stuff.

16-25-guys-tourDanny is upset, because Ludmilda hasn’t shown up per Ted’s word. Ted can’t even give specific answers to questions regarding her physical appearance.

16-26-Ted-saladTed even sells Melody’s salad and suckers some guy named Ron into buying it (or perhaps just a piece of lettuce) for a buck.

This episode is seriously stretching credibility.

Melody throws everyone out and calls the guys out on their bullshit, but Ted turns it around by saying Melody’s fame has made her temperamental.

She’s a nobody practicing to compete in a local swim meet! She. Is. Not. A. Celebrity!

The guys take the group to the kitchen to get “plenty more of Melody’s training lettuce”.

If this is a work of absurdism, it’s brilliant.

16-27-Melody-bannerOn another day, Melody is out for a run and doesn’t like the “poster” (actually a banner) that Mr. Ernst ordered.

16-28-Brad-MelodyBrad is timing her and says her time is getting better.

16-29-Melody-weightsAs Melody starts on three sets of twenty in weightlifting, Buddy and Cassie arrive. Buddy wants to interview her for the local paper.

However, Melody’s “stuff is boring”, so Buddy changes her responses. We do get some useful info: Melody started swimming when she was 5 or 6.

16-30-Melody-stairsBrad apparently decides fuck the weights, since Melody apparently decided fuck the weights, so she has Melody run up and down the stairs fifty times in 90-degree weather.

16-31-Danny-Melody-stairsShe then passes the trainer job off to Danny after a few seconds. Danny doesn’t do anything to help Melody feel better. Finally, he mentions the swim meet is tomorrow, and he talks about how Melody is an inspiration to his young riders; he also says Ted was working the switchboard this morning and told Danny that they’re booked solid this weekend; Danny says it’s all because of Melody.

16-32-Brad-saladBrad brings salad for Melody, who threatens to make Brad wear it, so Brad covers it and leaves. Danny calls to Mr Ernst to give Melody another pep talk.

16-33-moon 16-34-Ted-MelodyThe next morning, Melody comes to the pool and finds Ted, who’s thinking of an early swim. Ted asks if she’s ready, and Melody is upset that that’s all that anybody talks about and says she’ll go elsewhere. Ted says Melody’s changed and asks if he’s not good enough to talk to anymore. No, no, no, no, no! Melody is not at fault! Everyone else is putting way too much pressure on her or exploiting her. They’re the ones at fault, but Ted doesn’t see it. Melody starts crying, because everyone will hate her after an eventual loss somewhere down the road (this might have been more believable if she’d said she might lose today). Ted says he won’t. He says, from personal experience, her friends will be there for her if she messes up. Melody asks about Mr. Ernst. Ted says he wouldn’t care if he knew she was this upset. Melody asks, after everyone’s been so nice (they have?), how can she let them down? Besides, she kind of likes the idea of being a future champion. Melody says she’s the only one in her family that doesn’t know what she’s doing. We learn she has one brother in law school and another in pre-med. Melody asks what if she never finds out, but Ted says she’ll be “ordinary, old Melody”, which would be fine with him. That’s kind of sweet, but then he says “I miss her”. Fuck you, Ted. Regardless, Melody seems cheered up.

16-35-Melody-pissedMr. Ernst and the others arrive. Melody seems ready to go to the swim meet, but everyone starts piling on things for her to do in the weeks ahead, so Melody finally just loses it and quits.

16-36-surprisedShe runs off, leaving everyone confused.

16-37-Melody-stoneLater, Melody’s keeping to herself and throwing stones in the lake.

16-38-Melody-ErnstMr. Ernst asks to join her, and Melody agrees. She asks how the meet was. He says fine. She asks if he told the coach. He did, and the coach was disappointed. Melody asks if Mr. Ernst is disappointed. Mr. Ernst says not with her – with himself for putting so much pressure on her. He never meant to; he just got carried away; he does that sometimes. Melody asks about the ranch and the booked rooms. Mr. Ernst tells her that the rooms were booked because of the swim meet (athletes and families); it has nothing to do with her. He says the ranch is not her responsibility; that’s his dream; she’s entitled to one of her own. Melody says she doesn’t have one. Mr. Ernst says she will have a very special dream, because that’s the kind of person that she is. As he leaves, Melody calls out. He tells her that she would have won easy.

16-39-Melody-alone 16-40-Melody-StacyThe pre-credits scene at the end has Melody teaching Stacy how to swim and filling her mind with Olympic dreams. They’ll work on diving tomorrow.

16-41-ceremonyThe gang shows up and presents Melody with a “gold medal”. Brad gets on Buddy’s case for not kissing Melody.

16-42-donationThey also made a donation to the Olympic fund in her name. Melody guesses it’s the guys’ date fund. Danny says it didn’t work out, due to a price-expectation discrepancy between the girls and the guys. Apparently, the guys did all of this to try to raise junk-food money. Seriously?! All of that for “french fries”?! Anyway, I’m so glad that this thrilling subplot was wrapped up. Crushes on unseen characters seems to be a thing on this series. Charlene Hamer, Eddie Hammerfink, and now what’s-her-name and Ludmilda.

16-43-traditionTed has Danny assist him in “just one more Olympic tradition”.

16-44-poolSo ends another day at the Bar None.

This episode was very uneven, I love Taylor’s performance, and Brisbin does a great job with Mr. Ernst’s contrition at the end of the episode, but it mostly has a very skewed message, trying to portray Melody as “changed”. Everyone except Mr. Ernst was too stupid to realize the problem was them, not Melody.

Here’s a fun fact. Graham Yost (the executive script consultant on the series) still owns one of the Melody t-shirts:

8983e3afcbe742e9c2ca1885fe1a879a

Season 2, Episode 02: Battle of a Hundred Bucks

Writer: Michael B. Kaplan
Director: Fred K. Keller
Original air date: October 20, 1989

15-01-fire-drillIn the cold open, Mr. Ernst rings the bell and summons the entire staff for, as it turns out after some “guesses” by the teen staff (I think they’re just dicking with him), a fire drill. There’s a cute moment where Mr. Ernst is clumsy on the ladder, and the four lead teens are silently amused by it. This is a recurring thing in this series, and I like it. They don’t laugh out loud; it’s just a quiet “Yeah, our boss is a dumbass” moment among them. I wonder how much of it is acting and how much is the cast’s genuine reactions.

Mr. Ernst wants to turn the Bar None staff into a “crack fire brigade”. I don’t know what laws are like in Arizona, but it sounds highly illegal for a business to expect its staff to fight a fire.

There’s an inaudible “cute” exchange here between Brad and Ted. I have no idea what was said. Again, I like this. It feels natural. In real life, not everything that people say is heard, especially if someone else is talking much louder. Heck, this moment might have been improvised.

Mr. Ernst demonstrates “the proper hosing-down techniques”.

15-02-Ernst-BuddyMr. Ernst tells Buddy to turn on the water. Buddy tries to argue against it, but Mr. Ernst won’t have it.

15-03-Ernst-wet-1 15-04-Ernst-wet-2This could have been avoided if Buddy has simply yelled “It’s hooked up wrong!”

15-05-$100After the credits, Lucy meets with the kids. Mr. Stessel, a guest that checked out this morning, left a $100 tip for two unnamed staff members that showed him a nice time this past week to have fun with. Yeah, a few problems. He doesn’t name the staff members, and he leaves one bill. On top of that, he didn’t leave a phone number or address. Would someone really be this absent-minded in real life? Anyway, the guys and girls argue in favor of themselves and their like-genitaled peers. Lucy breaks it up and suggests they divide the money four ways. They refuse. Melody is visibly disgusted at the idea (a bit odd for such a “nice” character). Ted and Brad argue over it. Kelly Brown stumbles over a line, but they just keep rolling. I like that. She didn’t totally fuck it up, and it’s natural that not all dialogue flows smoothly.

15-06-Brad-pushes-DannyTed suggests a competition. Whoever comes up with the most fun way to spend the money will get to keep it and spend it that way. Brad agrees. Melody nominates Lucy as the judge, and Lucy reluctantly agrees.

15-07-guys-thinkLater, at the corral, the guys try to come up with ideas. Danny wants to buy “great new cowboy hats” in town. Ted likes the hats but wants to come up with something more clever and original in order to win. Danny says they need something more fun. Ted suggests throwing a party but dismisses it when Danny brings up inviting Brad and Melody, their best friends, because 1) it would defeat the purpose of winning the money from them, and 2) a party would be no fun without them. Danny unknowingly gives Ted the idea of spying on the girls.

15-08-lakeThe guys sneak down to the lake, where Brad has the same idea to buy cowboy hats as Danny did. Melody likes it but asks for something more fun. Brad suggests a party but dismisses it when Melody brings up inviting Ted and Danny. Both of them are stumped, so Brad suggests spying on the guys.

15-09-guys-raceThe guys beat the girls back to the corral, Ted having the idea to fake them out. There’s a shot where Joe Torres seemingly runs directly at the camera (it cuts before anything happens) and another where he briefly removes his hat and then puts it back on. Odd.

15-10-girls-spyBack at the corral, the girls spy outside the fence and totally don’t hear the guys talking about noticing them.

Ted has a little extra fun:

15-11-Ted-tosses 15-12-Brad-dirtFive of these doesn’t let the girls onto the fact that the guys are dicking with them.

Neither does this:

15-13-Danny-hose 15-14-Ted-hose 15-15-Melody-wetThe “fire bell” rings, and Ted and Danny go off, Danny silently changing Ted’s direction (seemingly to not run into the girls). I really like when little moments like this are added. It makes things feel more natural.

Oh, yeah, the main point of the scene was for Ted to plant false information. The guys decide to do the “gentlemenly” thing and let the girls have the money, but they want to surprise them with it at the meeting with Lucy.

15-16-Ernst-timesThe girls go to the bell tower as well. Mr. Ernst is unhappy with their time.

15-17-Ernst-questionsMr. Ernst questions Melody’s wetness and Brad’s dirtiness (callback to the series premiere?), and they bullshit a shower excuse. Ted and Danny have a silent laugh over it.

Mr. Ernst orders the hoses on. Buddy complies.

15-18-Melody-ideaAs the staff battles the fake fire, Melody has evil intentions in her eyes.

15-19-Melody-hits-Ernst-1 15-20-Melody-hits-Ernst-2 15-21-Melody-horrifiedFortunately, Ted sees what’s about to happen and alerts Danny, leaving the boys dry, Mr. Ernst wet, and Melody horrified.

15-22-Melody-runs 15-23-Melody-bouncesAfter the commercial break, on the next day, Melody excitedly enters the corral and announces Lucy’s impending arrival. After some teasing, Lucy arrives to judge their ideas.

15-24-guys-poseThe guys’ idea is to be immortalized in a painting.

15-25-girls-surprisedThe girls are surprised and angry, but Melody can’t raise a legit objection.

Lucy likes the idea. There’s a fun blooper where Ted hugs Danny, and Danny’s cowboy hat falls off. Fortunately, Joe Torres catches it, so the shot isn’t ruined. Stuff like this happens in real life, anyway. The girls struggle with their idea until Brad blurts out cowboy hats.

15-26-guys-winLucy picks the guys as the winners. Brad tries to object on fairness grounds but can’t.

Lucy sends them back to work. Ted thanks her for her help. The girls argue with the guys, and they each reveal their spying.

15-27-Brad-chokesTed and Danny abandon their chores to look for an artist. Brad lets her homicidal urges be known to Melody.

15-28-callingThe guys have no luck finding an artist in their price range and start to worry.

15-29-Buddy-hardballBuddy arrives and, upon learning of their dilemma, mentions two reclusive artists staying at the ranch. Buddy plays hardball with them and talks them into giving him four candy bars in exchange for talking to the artists on their behalf. Can you tell where this is going?

15-30-Buddy-moneyBuddy also said the artists need to be paid in advance, and Ted stupidly gives it to him. Can you tell where this is going yet?

15-31-Ted-dressesAfter dinner, Ted and Danny are dressing to get painted. What is it with Ted and bandanas? Anyway, you can hear birds chirping in this scene, which is nice. Buddy comes by to fetch Ted and Danny.

15-32-guys-togasThey’ll be painted blindfolded in front of the bell tower while wearing togas. Can you tell where this is going yet?! You can? Good, because Ted and Danny sure can’t.

Ted and Danny are fine with the togas and blindfolds. Buddy gets the artists.

15-33-artistsThe “artists” allow Ted and Danny to say hi to them but refuse to return the greeting, wanting to “let their painting speak for itself”.

15-34-guys-posedBuddy poses Danny and Ted.

15-35-artist-Brad 15-36-artist-Melody 15-37-girls-paint-guys 15-38-guys-paintedTed’s pissed, but Melody says it’s a water-based paint and will wash right off. Ted yells at Buddy. It turns out that Buddy got three candy bars from the girls and then four more from the guys. The girls refuse to give the money back. Brad says they’re artists and justifies it by pointing out the crap in museums. Hehe. Also, Melody says they “painted” them as they’d requested.

15-39-hatsBesides, the girls spent the money on the cowboy hats. Ted declares they’ll take the hats in place of the money, and he and Danny actually try to take the hats from the girls. Buddy points out that, back home, he and his friends shared a lot of their stuff. Melody suggests the girls and guys each have the hats for half of the week. So the changeover will occur at high noon on Thursday? Ted, Brad, and Danny agree.

15-40-guys-chase-girlsThe guys chase after the girls with paint rollers.

Buddy tries to charge his “usual fee” of two candy bars for “helping negotiate a peace settlement”.

15-41-gang-chases-BuddyThe pre-credits scene at the end is the culmination of the “fire brigade” subplot.

15-42-Ernst-inventionMr. Ernst invented some dumbass thing to prevent getting wet.

15-43-staff-hosesI’m not sure exactly what happens.

15-44-Ernst-hose 15-45-water-stops 15-46-Ernst-hose-2 15-47-Ernst-wetOkay, so Mr. Ernst stepped on a hose and cut off the water supply. I get that. However, he then turns his foot to horizontally align with the hose, and water shoots up inside his portable protective thingy. WTF?

So ends another day at the Bar None.

This episode was okay, but it really shows how selfish that the teens can be when money comes into the picture. I’m surprised Lucy, of all people, went along with their silly contest idea.

Also, the girls are stupid for not realizing the guys are onto them, and the guys are stupid for blindly (ahem) going along with everything involving the artists.

It’s interesting that both Ted and Brad came up with the ideas of parties and spying. They’re more alike than they realize.

Season 2, Episode 01: Loose Lips

Writer: Michael B. Kaplan
Director: Ross K. Bagwell, Jr.
Original air date: October 13, 1989

Welcome to season 2. Precisely what defines a “season” on this series is a little confusing (and perhaps a little strange). 65 episodes aired over the course of a little more than two years. These episodes are divided into five seasons of 13 episodes each.

Normally, a television series takes a break between seasons (both in production and in airing). This allows the cast and crew time to absorb what had come up to that point and to plan things going forward. There are some clues in this episode that this is what happened here, and I’ll point them out as we get to them. However, if the original air dates are accurate, “season 2” started one week after “season one” ended.

One more thing that I want to point out before we get into the episode is the running time has increased this season by twenty seconds.

14-01-Melody-TedIn the cold open, Ted is talking to Melody about some guests that are coming back this year. All of a sudden, they hear their names being called, and Ted thinks it might be God.

14-02-Ernst-bullhornIt turns out to be Mr. Ernst with a new (loud, annoying) bullhorn that he got to give his staff instructions from across the grounds.

14-03-Melody-covers-earsMr. Ernst shows off the volume control and then demonstrates the “songs” function. A very annoying instrumental of “Jingle Bells” (just the first line) starts playing, and Mr. Ernst can’t shut it off.

14-04-crowdDanny and Buddy (and Brad, barely visible) come over to see what the commotion’s about. A small crowd gathers, and Mr. Ernst covers the bullhorn with his hat to slightly muffle the sound and excuses himself.

14-05-Brad 14-06-Tygiel-creditsThe first indication that some sort of break occurred is the decision to drop Cassie. If they had already decided to do this while season 1 was in production, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t address it. Then again, I can’t imagine why they didn’t address it after the fact either.

14-07-Brad-drinksAfter the credits, on another day, Brad comes outside to enjoy her coffee or tea or whatever in the fresh air. Melody comes by with the mail.

14-08-Brad-horrifiedBrad is horrified at the pictures that she receives.

14-09-Melody-persistentMelody is obnoxiously persistent in trying to get a look at the pictures, but Brad adamantly refuses to show her. Brad distracts Melody with the potential image of a pantsless Danny and runs into the girls’ bunk house.

14-10-Melody-searchesMelody follows and decides to search for the pictures. Another indication that a break was taken is the girls redecorated their room.

Melody finds the pictures and, again, is obnoxiously persistent. If I was Brad, I would have told her to fuck off. Brad eventually relents, releasing the photos and letting Melody fall backwards on the bed.

14-11-Melody-picturesThe pictures turn out to be of Brad wearing a chicken costume. Brad says it’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to her. She makes Melody promise to not tell anyone. Last year, she went to a costume party at school, so she rented the chicken costume – only it wasn’t a costume party. Everyone stopped dancing to stare at Brad. How is such a mistake even made? Was there some kind of miscommunication? Did someone pull a prank on Brad? (Kimberly, maybe?) We don’t get anymore info. Brad can’t believe her mother sent them to her or even had them developed. Brad again makes Melody promise to not tell anyone. Brad takes the pictures to destroy them. The scene ends with a cute moment between the girls where they have an agreement on the nature of mothers.

14-12-Melody-TedLater, at the corral, Melody informs Ted that Brad is going to be late for work, and they might as well get started. Ted gets pissed, seemingly thinking Brad is snobby and can decide her own work schedule. Melody says Brad just has a few extra tables to clear in the dining room. Ted insists Brad has an attitude problem. Where is this reaction coming from? There’s no reason for it except to get around to Melody revealing the existence of Brad’s secret to Ted. The entire exchange feels pretty forced.

14-13-Ted-tickles-MelodyTed eventually tickles the secret out of Melody, but Melody first makes Ted promise he won’t tell anyone. Brad arrives and apologizes for being late.

14-14-Ted-chickenTed makes fun of Brad, and Brad gets pissed at Melody for blabbing. Melody gets pissed at Ted, but Brad tells her to leave Ted alone (but does tell Ted to shut up). Brad is surprised that Melody didn’t show him the pictures. Wait, what happened to destroying them?

14-15-Danny-SylvesterDanny arrives on Sylvester, and Ted immediately tells Danny Brad’s secret. Meanwhile, Brad lightly punches/shoves/whatever Melody. Danny wants to know if the pictures are in color (ah, the ’80s), Ted asks Melody, and Brad tells Danny about Melody’s betrayal. There’s a lot of arguing over who’s at fault (Melody or Ted). Melody lets out that Ted had blabbed about Danny overflowing Mr. Ernst’s toilet (I would have liked to have seen that). Danny is shocked to find out that Ted told Melody that Danny “overflooded” (as opposed to flooded just enough?) Mr. Ernst’s office. There’s a lot more arguing, which Mr. Ernst interrupts using his bullhorn, telling them to get back to work. Then a tune starts playing, and Mr. Ernst can’t shut it off. Ha. The teens walk off.

Ted apologizes to Danny, but…

14-16-Danny-hay 14-17-Ted-hayThis happens four times. Surely, there is no padding to be found in this episode.

We do learn Melody is one of Ted’s best friends, and Ted considers Brad to be mature.

14-18-Melody-laundryHa! Brad hits Melody in the face with dirty laundry (we see only four attacks). Melody unwisely brings up her explanation to Ted of Brad’s “attitude problem”.

14-19-Brad-pissed 14-20-Brad-covers-MelodyAfter 27 shots in the face with hay, all four of them converge. There’s a bit more arguing, and then…

14-21-girls-hug14-22-guys-okayTed and Melody promise to not blab secrets again. Danny tells Brad that Mr. Ernst wanted to talk to them.

14-23-bell-tower 14-24-Danny-Brad-bell-towerIn reality, Danny takes Brad up into the bell tower to talk to her privately.

The bell tower seems to be something new this season as well. I really like this shot. You can see the ranch’s sign below – as well as Ted and Melody walking away.

Anyway, Danny feels they let Ted and Melody off too easy, they haven’t learned their lesson, and they’ll just do it again. Danny and Brad concoct a plan where Brad tells one of Melody’s secrets to Danny to tell to Ted, and Danny tells one of Ted’s secrets to Brad to tell to Melody, so both Ted and Melody will be embarrassed when they blab to each other.

14-25-guys-secretAfter the commercial break, on the next day, Danny tempts “the new Ted” with a secret. They’re gonna banter for a bit, so I’ll take the opportunity to point out that the guys redecorated their room as well. Notice the Sports Illustrated José Canseco poster.

Anyway, the secret is “one of the female staff members” has a secret crush on Eddie Hammerfink, a “muscle beach type” that’s sometimes at the ranch (Danny earlier said he “walks into walls”; I guess Eddie’s an idiot). Ted has to restrain his impulse to tell Melody. Danny withholds the identity of the crusher. Ted leaves for work.

14-26-girls-secretLater, the girls are walking, and Brad tempts Melody with a secret. They’re gonna banter for a bit (surely, this episode is not padded in the slightest), so I’m just gonna suppose Brad is on a break, because she’s not wearing her name badge.

Anyway, the secret is Brad glanced at something (I can’t understand what she said) in Mr. Ernst’s office and noticed one of the staff member’s middle names is Aloysius.

14-27-Melody-laughs 14-28-Melody-laughs-2Melody reacts appropriately.

As an aside, I love the background detail of Mr. Ernst working on the loudspeaker system that’s soon to come into play.

14-29-Melody-momentMelody is pretty funny as she reacts to the “beautiful” “moment” of “trust” that she and Brad shared. She tries to get the name of the staff member, but Brad withholds it.

14-30-Ernst-works 14-31-Ernst-works-2Mr. Ernst had returned the bullhorn to the store and gotten a loudspeaker system that the guy sold him. Mr. Ernst was “too smart” to buy $300 worth of cable, opting instead to hook up the loudspeakers to the telephone lines that run all over the ranch. The result: a gag where they hear, over the loudspeaker, a guy at the front desk answering a call and the female caller complaining about the “bad connection”. Ha. Oh, there’s also a cute gag where they girls have a laugh over Mr. Ernst lightly hitting his head (he talks of safety as in the previous episode). Mr. Ernst vows he’s never going back to that store again. The girls smile over his incompetence and run away.

Later, in the main lodge, Melody and Ted catch up on their friendship statuses. They learn of the existence of secrets that the other received. After some banter about learning their lesson, Ted suggests circumventing the “not to tell” secrets promise by having Melody guess the secret, and Melody suggests acting it out.

14-32-charadesWhat follows is a minute and 32 seconds of charades with a few amusing guesses by Melody. Melody finally guesses “Someone has a crush on Eddie Hammerfink!” and is excited but then gets upset when she realizes Brad blabbed her secret. Ted is initially amused but then gets a bad feeling and has Melody tell him the secret that she learned. She tells him. Ted gets pissed. Melody is surprised and amused. So that’s the official confirmation: Theodore Aloysius McGriff. Ted realizes they were set up. After a bit of discussion, Melody and Ted go to “do a duet” by killing their respective roommates.

As the scene changes, you can hear a bird chirping, which is nice.

Danny and Brad are hanging out outside, and Ted and Melody confront them. They talk about it for a bit, and Brad declares they’re even. There’s a cute moment where Brad holds out her hand, and Danny gives Brad five. It’s just some extra “action” while Melody’s talking. I like it when stuff like that occurs. After a bit more discussion, Melody has them take an oath:

14-33-oath“No more secrets!”

14-34-roughhousingDanny then calls Ted “Aloysius”, and they engage in a bit of roughhousing, much to the girls’ amusement.

The pre-credits scene at the end is the culmination of the “communication” subplot.

Mr. Ernst got a great deal on a pair of used walkie-talkies that a guy sold to him off the back of his truck. Yeah, guess where this is going.

14-35-walkie-talkiesTed helps Mr. Ernst try them out. Seriously, guess where this is going.

Officer Duncan of the state police notifies Mr. Ernst that he’s on a police frequency and threatens him with arrest unless he gets the fuck off this channel.

14-36-Ernst-tossesSo ends another day at the Bar None.

Lucy didn’t show up, and Buddy was relegated to a non-speaking cameo at the beginning.

This episode was okay, but it makes everyone (especially Melody) into gossips. Even Danny and Brad. Yeah, they blabbed to teach Ted and Melody a lesson, but they still blabbed.

There are some cute Melody moments, though, and I’m amused by the fact that she’s so embarrassed that everyone knows about her crush. Eddie Hammerfink must be a joke.

Season 1 Recap

960Welcome to the recap of season 1 of “Hey Dude”. Here, I’m going to give my thoughts on the season as a whole and the characters, rank the episodes from worst to best, and supply some information that I’d come across.

Background

Taylor-interview-title Taylor-interviewChristine Taylor did an interview for the the season 1 DVD set in 2011, and it was ported over to the Walmart-exclusive Complete Series set (it’s likely just the same discs). It runs 17 minutes (including quite a few clips from the series, admittedly) and is fairly in-depth (more so than I expected). There’s a feeling of warmth and fondness that Christine exudes. Here are some of the things that she had to say:

  • She originally auditioned for Brad, but the producers had found Kelly for the role and asked Christine to read for Melody.
  • She was a lifeguard at a country club in suburban Pennsylvania. During the audition process, the actors were asked about their hobbies, and these were used in developing their characters, hence Melody being a lifeguard.
  • It was Nickelodeon’s first episodic series, so there was a sense of newness and fun and experimentation and excitement. It wasn’t a long and arduous process.
  • She was a senior in high school and 17 years old when she flew out to Arizona to shoot the pilot. There was an upcoming prom, graduation, and other “deal-breakers” in her life that, while taking precedence over the series, fortunately didn’t interfere. The day that she was flying to do the pilot was the day of homecoming (so this means the pilot was taped circa October of 1988), so she went to that and then flew out on the next day.
  • They shot the pilot in the real buildings of the Tanque Verde Guest Ranch. When the series was picked up, the sets were built. There was also an intact caretaker’s house that they sometimes used.
  • The cast and crew stayed in a hotel.
  • Christine Taylor and David Lascher, being 17 and thus underage, were assigned guardians, but they weren’t rebellious at all.
  • They had rental cars.
  • She doesn’t miss Melody’s “look” (her outfits).
  • Christine Taylor, David Lascher, and Josh Tygiel, being the only ones still in school, had tutors for set hours during the day. By the time that the series got picked up, Christine was at the end of her senior year and accepted into college. David was at the end of his junior year and had one more year of tutoring.
  • Christine could fly back for only one day for graduation, and then she flew back to work.
  • They weren’t doing one episode per week like other series (obviously).
  • It was a four-camera series.
  • They were as close as brothers and sisters, living and eating together.
  • There were periods of not standing each other and periods of crushes on each other.
  • Frederick King Keller and Ross Bagwell, Jr., had polar opposite directing approaches. Keller took everything seriously and questioned the actors about their characters. Bagwell took a fun, who-cares approach. She learned a lot from both of them.
  • She claims the cast of “Hey Dude” presented an award at the first annual Kids Choice Awards. I think she’s got the timeline a bit wrong, because the first one was held on April 18, 1988 – around six months before the pilot was shot.
  • She’s proud of the series and says, if she hadn’t done it, her life path might have gone in another direction.
  • She says an episode would come on once per week and rerun once or twice per week. She also mistakenly says the series aired for only two years and then stopped. However, I seemingly got into the series in eighth grade (1991-1992 school year), and I remember watching it multiple times per week (probably five days), and I believe I saw it listed in the local TV guide that came with the newspaper for many years afterward. According to Wikipedia, reruns were aired on Nickelodeon until early 1999 and then on TeenNick since late 2011.
  • She was at a party in LA when a girl came up to her and was like “Omigod, you’re Melody from ‘Hey Dude’.” Christine was taken aback, asking “Really, you watched ‘Hey Dude’?” The girl said “Yeah, I watched it since I was, like, five.” The girl raved about things that she liked about the series and then walked away. Someone turned to Christine and said “That was Paris Hilton.”
  • *After a decade of silence, fans started coming out of the woodwork. She’d encounter them everywhere – even in the grocery store.

On May 14, 2014, HuffPost Live posted a “Hey Dude” mini-reunion on YouTube. It runs a little over 5 minutes long. Enjoy.

There was a “Hey Dude” 25th Year Reunion panel at ATX Television Festival on June 6, 2014. Most of the cast (with the notable exceptions of Kelly Brown (though she appeared in the early HuffPost reunion) and Joe Torres) and crew were in attendance. It runs 29 minutes and is quite fun and informative. Enjoy!

Theme Song

IMDB user Wizzleteats dug up some info on the theme song (thanks for permission to present it here):

Doug Klein can be seen playing with Lionel Cartwright (blue shirt/guitarist) in the 1989 outtakes video on Youtube.

Lionel Cartwright had a few country hits around 1989-1991. Interestingly, Dale Jarvis is credited for “background vocals” on Cartwright’s 1990 album, I Watched It on the Radio, and for playing bass on “Smack Dab in the Middle of Love” from Cartwright’s 1991 album, Chasin’ the Sun.

With those connections in mind, I contacted Lionel Cartwright, and he was nice enough to respond with the proper credits (Thanks, Lionel!):

“The Hey Dude theme got a ton of play in the show and was fun to write and produce. Here’s the details.

Writer: Lionel Cartwright
Lead Vocal: Dale Jarvis

I’m thinking Dale Jarvis may have played bass on that. Not sure who played drums. All other instruments (and low vocal) by Lionel Cartwright.”

The Episodes

Season 1 got things started. These thirteen episodes offer a variety of character spotlights and stories (and story quality).

#13: Battle of the Sexes
02-10-Ted-Brad-shake-handsAll around, a dumb episode. Stupid competition. The guys come off as really dumb. Definitely the worst of the season.

#12: Perfect Father
07-29-Mel-BuddyThe interaction between Mr. Ernst and Buddy was good, but I just don’t care for Mel, and Sears was too over the top.

#11: The Good, the Bad, & the Obnoxious
08-12-Brad-hayA decent Brad episode with a great performance from Brown, but it has a confusing message that I don’t care for, and Kimberly was unreal.

#10: Pain in the Neck
13-45-Danny-good-lifeDanny’s a user and just not nice in this episode.

#9: Ted’s Saddle
04-20-Ted-jar-2Ted got a case of the stupids in order to learn a lesson. Nice Melody moments, though.

#8: Suspicion
11-41-ruinedReally unrealistic but really funny, too. Again, nice Melody moments.

#7: Rainmen
09-40-Danny-SatkinaA good Danny episode with an unrealistic victory. Ted gets the really good scenes.

#6: Rehearsal for Romance
06-55-Melody-sorryMelody falls in love. Nice. Of course, if she’d ignored Ted, it would have been, like, five minutes long.

#5: Day One at the Bar None
01-22-Ernst-Melody-meetThe first episode is a pretty good one! We get the basic gist of who these characters are and their relationships with each other.

#4: Employee of the Week
12-30-shakeA bit silly in the Melody/Ted rivalry, but we get some good acting from both Taylor and Lascher.

#3: Ted and Brad Get Handcuffed
10-30-Brad-Ted-talkThe Ted/Brad dynamic is explored, and they get closer. Really fun episode that also has some good character analysis.

#2: The Competition
05-35-Brad-wraps-MelodySee above, except it’s Melody/Brad this time. Really nice performance from Taylor.

#1: Goldilocks
03-15-Buddy-thanks-GoldilocksYes, the Buddy episode is my favorite of the season. Tygiel and Brisbin are amazing.

The Characters

03-35-Ernst-worriedMr. Ernst (David Brisbin) appeared in 12 of the episodes. He gets a fair amount to do (mostly the “crazy schemes”) and shines in “Goldilocks”. He also does well in “Perfect Father”.

08-26-Brad-aloneBrad (Kelly Brown) appeared in all 13 episodes. Her highlights include “The Competition”, “Ted and Brad Get Handcuffed”, and “The Good, the Bad, & the Obnoxious”. I really like her.

01-53-Lucy-pissedThe season’s least valuable player has to be Lucy (Debrah Kalman). She appeared in only 6 episodes (less than half) and probably totaled no more than 45 minutes of screen time. Her main functions are to offer sage advice and be a strict authority figure, I guess in contrast to the more easygoing, bumbling Mr. Ernst. However, there’s really no reason that her qualities couldn’t have been given to Mr. Ernst to balance him out. No offense to Debrah Kalman, but Lucy really is unnecessary.

Speaking of Debrah Kalman, I need to make a correction to what I said in my review of the first episode. “Hey Dude” was not her only acting gig. However, it’s quite easy to think it was. The problem is her other credits, under different names, are found on their own IMDb pages (Debbie Kalman and Debi Kalman), which shouldn’t happen. She’s been in about four things. “Hey Dude” was still her first acting gig, though.

09-08-Ted-fills-waterTed (David Lascher) appeared in all 13 episodes. He’s certainly the season’s most memorable character and has a lot to do. He and Brad become friends over the course of the season, despite his attempts to pursue her. How can you not love Ted?

05-29-Melody-despairMelody (Christine Taylor) appeared in all 13 episodes. She’s definitely the nicest character. She had originally auditioned for Brad, but TPTB wanted Kelly for the role and asked Christine to try out for Melody. She’s such a perfect fit. Supposedly, Christine is just as nice as Melody. Of course, Melody shows her prankster side as well (a bit of a Ted-ish quality), and she can be a bit inconsiderate. She really shines in “The Competition” and has a nice dramatic moment in “Rehearsal for Romance”.

03-24-Danny-preparedDanny (Joe Torres) appeared in 12 of the episodes. He comes across as nice and easygoing. He has two big episodes this season. He’s probably no one’s favorite character, but he (mostly) comes across as a nice guy that you could be friends with.

03-37-Buddy-hopelessBuddy (Josh Tygiel) appeared in 12 of the episodes. He was great in “Goldilocks” and has a fair amount to do elsewhere in the season. It’s nice to have a slightly younger perspective to contrast with the teens and adults. It’s also nice that the younger kid is treated with respect – in contrast to the dismissive attitude that older teens often take toward kids on other sitcoms.

12-35-Cassie-ribbonsCassie appeared in 11 of the episodes, but, let’s face it, she was there for the cuteness factor and nothing more. I can understand why she was dropped, but I wish we were given an explanation for her sudden disappearance.

As a treat, here’s a blooper reel from 1989, provided by executive producer Geoffrey Darby.

That’s it for season 1. Tune in next Wednesday as we head into season 2!

Season 1, Episode 13: Pain in the Neck

Writer: Judy Spencer
Director: Ross K. Bagwell, Jr.
Original air date: October 6, 1989

13-01-Ernst-checkIn the cold open, Mr. Ernst is checking for loose floor boards and roof tiles.

Lucy comes by. Mr. Ernst is making a list of things that need repairs, and he wants Lucy to make a list, too.

13-02-tile-falls 13-03-Ernst-hit 13-04-Lucy-writes“Loose roof tile”

13-05-meetingAfter the credits, Mr. Ernst is going over what needs and doesn’t need repairs with Danny and Ted.

13-06-Ted-distractedUnfortunately, Ted is distracted by a girl in a green tank top outside and excuses himself. Danny covers for him by telling Mr. Ernst that Ted promised the girl that he’d teach her “about cactus”. Mr. Ernst suggests, the next time that Danny gives a nature talk, Ted could give a guest lecture “on cacti”. Danny humorously agrees. Ted comes rushing back in. It wasn’t the girl that he thought it was. Ted starts to apologize, but Mr. Ernst brings up Danny’s explanation. He also launches into a safety talk that, surely, is not foreshadowing of any kind.

We do learn some things in this scene. The tack room, where the bridles are kept, is mentioned. Also, Mr. Ernst calls Ted “Theodore”. Unless he’s joking, this might be Ted’s real first name.

There’s also a bit of bad editing where one of Mr. Ernst’s lines starts before he opens his mouth (just before the shot changes).

13-07-Danny-takes-hammerOutside, Danny gets to work on the loose shingles, but Ted is distracted over a guest named Charlene (last name seemingly pronounced “Haymer”), which frustrates Danny. Apparently, the ranch has a dining room. Danny goes over three of Ted’s previous guest crushes: Heather, Jennifer, and Tiffany (blonde hair, very small bikini). The point is Ted develops crushes on seemingly every cute girl that visits the ranch. What a horndog.

13-08-Ted-distracted-2Danny wants Ted to steady the ladder, but Ted thinks he sees Charlene and walks off, and…

13-09-Danny-falls 13-10-Danny-ground 13-11-Ted-lifts-ladderI call bullshit. Ted was not doing anything vital. The only reason that the ladder fell backward was because Danny turned around and yelled after Ted.

13-12-Ted-Danny-bunkDanny and Ted return from the doctor. Danny will be better in two days to a week at most. Despite Danny not wanting special treatment and wanting to get up and work, Ted gets Danny into Ted’s bunk.

13-13-visitorsMelody, Brad, Buddy, and Cassie come in to see how Danny’s doing. Despite Danny clearly getting up to meet them, Melody blames Ted for Danny being on his feet, and Ted’s all “WTF?”. There’s a recurring gag where Ted and Brad both inadvertently cause Danny neck pain.

13-14-Cassie-toyCassie brings Danny a squeaky toy.

13-15-Melody-playerMelody lets Danny borrow her cassette player and a mix of her and Brad’s tapes. Both girls like Bon Jovi.

13-16-magazinesMagazines from Lucy and Mr. Ernst include “International Feed Catalog” and “Math Puzzles for the Really, Really Smart”.

13-17-comicsBuddy brings Danny used comic books.

13-18-snacksThey also brought Danny cola and snacks.

Brad asks Danny how he’s feeling. He says he’s okay, but he also appears to be in pain, so they leave. Danny groans more, and Brad gives Ted a mean look. Ted has his second “WTF?” reaction of the scene.

13-19-bellTed gives Danny a bell to summon him for “anything” at “anytime”. Danny says he doesn’t need Ted’s help, but then he seems to be in pain again. Ted insists. After a bit of time-killing banter, they actually rehearse using it. When Ted leaves, Danny promptly abuses the bell by intentionally dropping his magazine on the floor and summoning Ted to pick it up.

13-20-boxes13-21-Brad-afraidTwo days later, Ted and Brad bring boxes with animals into the main lodge. Brad is afraid of snakes (callback to episode 05). The two snakes are Gertrude and Ernsteen (not sure on the spelling). Brad is surprised when Ted admits he’s afraid of snakes. Ted says Indiana Jones is afraid of snakes. Brad asks why he told Mr. Ernst that he’d give Danny’s nature talk. Ted says it was his fault that Danny got hurt. Brad agrees. Really, Ted didn’t do anything to directly cause Danny’s injury. He had lightly been holding onto the ladder with one hand and walked off. Sure, if he hadn’t walked off, Danny wouldn’t have turned around and shifted his weight, but to what extent can Ted be held responsible for that?

Apparently, Danny’s handwriting is horrible, and Ted can barely read his notes.

13-22-drawing13-23-drawing-2Mr. Ernst brings Ted a drawing of a cactus to use as a visual aid during his lecture. I love Brad’s reaction. You can tell Kelly Brown is on the verge of cracking up.

13-24-drawing-3Ted declines the use of the drawing, but Brad makes Mr. Ernst feel better by saying the drawing would look great hanging in his office.

Brad wishes Ted good luck and leaves.

13-25-lectureTed can’t read Danny’s notes, so he half-asses the lecture.

13-26-turtleWe do learn there are no turtles in Arizona.

13-27-Ted-scaredApparently, there’s some nasty animal that Ted is too scared to even take out of its box.

13-28-Ted-GertrudeTed shows off Gertrude, the non-poisonous snake.

Ernsteen is the poisonous snake, and Ted decides to not take her out of her box, since “they must look exactly alike”. I doubt it. Wait, why does the ranch have a poisonous snake? And does Danny regularly handle it during his nature talks? Wouldn’t that be dangerous?

13-29-Ted-leaves-snakesSo, after talking for about 75 seconds, Ted leaves – without the snake boxes.

13-30-groupLater, Ted is inexplicably wearing different clothes (yes, it’s the same day). Mr. Ernst, Buddy, and Cassie had come to say hi to Danny. He seems to be a little better. Mr. Ernst asks how Ted’s nature talk went. Danny rings for Ted (he dropped his doggy toy). Lucy arrives to see Ted. Danny rings again (he dropped his bell); pretty funny, but Ted should have realized at this point that Danny was dicking with him. Gertrude is loose in the main lodge and scaring the guests. Ted rushes off.

13-31-Danny-ringsDanny rings the bell and is upset when Ted doesn’t immediately come running, so he gets up to select something to read.

13-32-Danny-surprised 13-33-Buddy-surprisedOh, shit! Busted!

After the commercial break, Danny tries to downplay it, but Buddy wants to run off to tell Ted. After a bit of banter, Danny gets Buddy to keep his secret until he decides to tell Ted himself. After a bit of discussion regarding Buddy’s inability to keep secrets, Buddy leaves.

13-34-Brad-cleaningLater, Brad is cleaning in the main lodge. Melody arrives. She had to play go-between for Ted and Charlene. Ted was too busy doing Danny’s work to see her.

13-35-Melody-letterCharlene gave Melody a letter for Ted, which, after some half-assed ethical debate between Melody and Brad (Christine Taylor garbles “lately” as “lakely”), Melody reads aloud. Charlene’s gone back to Cincinnati and hopes to get together with Ted next year. I’m so glad that this “subplot” between Ted and a girl that we never see got some kind of resolution.

Brad reaches into the bucket for the glass cleaner and…

13-36-Brad-Gertrude Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!

13-37-Brad-Gertrude2 13-38-Brad-afraid-2Brad scares Gertrude off and refuses to help Melody find her, opting to get Ted to do it instead.

13-39-Ted-fetchesLater, Danny constantly interrupts Ted’s work and uses reverse psychology to pretend he can’t bother Ted, constantly, to get him new reading material and fluff his pillow.

13-40-Danny-comicDoes anyone know which comic that Danny’s reading? I tried searching for it with no luck.

13-41-Ted-singsAnyway, Danny gets Ted to sing him to sleep, and Ted offers up a sick twist on “Rock-a-bye Baby”.

13-42-girls-laughBrad and Melody arrive, overhear it, and have a good laugh. Ted and the girls go to get the snake.

13-43-searchIn the main lodge, they “look” for Gertrude (Melody’s the only one not scared).

13-44-Buddy-spillsBuddy and Cassie come in, and it isn’t long before Buddy nervously talks himself into spilling everything.

13-45-Danny-good-lifeLater, Danny’s kicking back and enjoying himself.

13-46-crowdedBuddy, Cassie, Melody, and Brad come in – supposedly all injured (except Cassie) – and crowd in on Danny. Danny rings for Ted.

13-47-Ted-biteTed comes in, supposedly with a snakebite and unable to tell which snake bit him. Danny gets up to rush Ted to the E.R., and…

13-48-gotchaGotcha!

Melody, Brad, Cassie, and (reluctantly) Buddy leave, so Ted and Danny can have their “boy talk”.

We never see Cassie again.

Buddy apologizes to Danny and makes claims of torture and whipping. I’m all for seeing Melody and Brad whipping people. Get on it, DeviantArt.

13-49-boy-talkThe guys talk, and “understanding” music comes on. All is well.

13-50-pillow-fight Pillow fight!

13-51-Brad-Danny-phoneThe pre-credits scene at the end involves Brad showing Danny how to use the phone system (light work, I guess). Mr. Ernst is happy that everybody’s well and working.

13-52-Brad-freaks-outBrad freaks the fuck out when Gertrude taps her foot. Ted follows her. Mr. Ernst walks away (I guess to find something to trap the snake).

13-53-Danny-GertrudeDanny calmly picks up Gertrude, having missed her, and tells her what happened here.

So ends another day at the Bar None.

This episode was okay, but Danny was an ass, freeloading and letting everyone worry over him just to teach Ted a lesson, even though Ted wasn’t really at fault. Ted left the snakes in the main lodge for no logical reason; it was only to create the snake subplot.

Tune in next Wednesday for the review of season 1.